My children are four and two years old. By now, they have both learned how to talk, walk, run, jump, climb, make jokes, dance, and do a bunch of other things. But I won't say "I taught them" how to do these things.
When our daughter turned one, she was crawling very fast, and pulling herself up to stand. So I thought it would only be a matter of days or weeks before she was running around on two feet. I was looking forward to this because she was getting very heavy for me to be carrying and holding whenever the ground wasn't ideal for crawling. When a couple of months went by and she wasn't walking yet, I thought maybe she needed some encouragement. I would stand her up next to a push toy, or hold my arms out just beyond her reach when she was standing up holding onto something. But it quickly became very clear that she just wasn't ready yet.
I am grateful that it was around this time I started reading about natural learning. I learned the theory that kids don't need to be taught how to do things, because they will learn what they need when they are ready. I backed off. No more teaching my daughter how to walk. I got more comfortable answering the question, She's not walking yet? with something like Why would she want to do that when she can crawl so fast?
It was a few more months before my daughter started showing an interest in walking. One day, she started walking around with those push toys that she had previously ignored. She walked laps around the house. Then, when she was ready, she let go. And just like that,s he was walking. I made a mental note to remember this process, so I could remind myself that she learned it when she was ready. When I was ready for her to walk, I took her hands and tried to walk her around. Her legs would get like wet noodles. When she was ready, SHE took MY hands so I could help her. It was only then that her legs were solid. She was determined.
I watched my other daughter go through a similar process with learning to write her name. When she first started writing, she would write the letters of her name randomly placed, anywhere on the page. She wrote some of the letters upside down or backwards, but no one corrected her.
Then one day, she handed me a piece of paper with her name written perfectly. She just figured it out. Without asking, without anyone telling her. Just based on seeing her name written in other places, and making the connection between that and her own writing.
Even though my husband and I plan not to send our children to school, I do not think of myself as their teacher. I won't be deciding when they are ready to learn things. I will keep our lives full of "push toys" so they can practice things on their own when they choose. And most importantly, I will be there when they want to take my hands and lead me somewhere.
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Great Post. As a brand new Mommy myself I can say that I am learning more from my almost 3 month old each day than I think I will ever teach him. Lets talk about Boobs for a minute: Henry came out ready to breastfeed. He latched instantly and all I had to do was take my fully ridiculously large nipple and offer it up. He did the work, I provided the goods. It's still that way. I had no idea what I was doing, but luckily he did. He taught me how to feed him.
ReplyDeleteI know his synapses are firing at a remarkable pace and he truly is learning hundreds of new things each day, but so am I. I am learning about him, myself, my husband, the world around us and even the dog. All of the things that we are learning are invisible, incredible and too hard to articulate. I think Henry says it best with a smile and a coo.
As for when he will learn to walk? Not too sure. He's huge so I guess he will have to let me know when he's ready. Thanks for the reminder.
I love your last lines, thx for sharing I will remember these lines :
ReplyDeleteI won't be pushing them to learn things before they are ready. And I won't be deciding when they are ready. I will keep our lives full of "push toys" so they can practice things on their own when they choose. And most importantly, I will be there when they want to take my hands and lead me somewhere.
Fernanda, NY
I loved reading this. You are going to have so much fun watching your children learn.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the comments!
ReplyDeleteI think one of the biggest misconceptions about school is that kids need to be taught in order to learn...and that the person who does that is their "teacher." Teachers must be specially trained. Then it stands to reason that the biggest misconception about homeschooling is that the parent or parents have to fill that role as "teacher." This untruth being illustrated by the often heard disclaimer: "I could NEVER homeschool" OR "I wanted to homeschool but my child and I have such personality differences that he/she could not/ would not learn from me/be taught by me.... I usually just smile and nod but occasionally, I take the time to explain that I believe that EVERY person and situation in life is a teacher .....and NOT because they are sitting us down and imparting a much needed "lesson" ....just because they provide us with the materials for learning and for self-mastery. Don't get me wrong, I love teachers... Had many special and favorite ones growing up....my mom and stepdad were teachers. Sometimes teachers are helpful in learning particular subject matter. The difference is that I think we should all have the freedom to seek or find our own teachers. Whoever and whatever they may be.
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing back the memories of my youngest learning to write. <3 He used to write it: MROTS We loved it and I really miss it, now. :~)
ReplyDelete@De, That is such a sweet memory. I can't wait to watch the process again with my son. :)
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