tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post1647531230471385116..comments2023-06-25T04:10:55.573-04:00Comments on Demand EUPHORIA: When a Child-Hater Writes a Parenting ArticleVickie@Demand_Euphoriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-916163095378775512012-10-06T16:22:00.269-04:002012-10-06T16:22:00.269-04:00These rules would be just fine if they applied to ...These rules would be just fine if they applied to both adults and kids but of course this article chooses to single out children and suggest that it would be fine to embarrass them by correcting them in public. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10430008729543178866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-68734682033338876642012-02-12T13:47:58.692-05:002012-02-12T13:47:58.692-05:00These rules teach children to be cute little autom...These rules teach children to be cute little automatons who do whatever society tells them is right. I think it's creepy. And the fact that I bought into it for so long is even more creepy to me.Missyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08009672836043149757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-84192408339905780482011-08-23T13:30:36.861-04:002011-08-23T13:30:36.861-04:00Many of these rules are just fine.
#6 is awful, t...Many of these rules are just fine.<br /><br />#6 is awful, though. Children need to be able to express both their positive and negative feelings. Of course it's good to learn to look on the bright side, but in general I think our society is too focused on repressing negativity.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-69107449020592581012011-08-22T09:02:34.071-04:002011-08-22T09:02:34.071-04:00@Alicia, You do have a point, I guess I was more u...@Alicia, You do have a point, I guess I was more upset by the "hours of grief" part. Also, I think #5 might be good advice, but to put it under the heading of "Manners Every Kid Should Know" also bugged me. I totally agree though, that I like it when my kids ask me about things like your rock-throwing example, but I wouldn't call it a "manner" that I have trained them to know. Does that makes sense? Thanks for chiming in. I appreciate it :)Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-33854323226057760662011-08-09T21:56:26.666-04:002011-08-09T21:56:26.666-04:00You have a lot of good points about this rather ta...You have a lot of good points about this rather tasteless article, but I have to disagree about your take on Manner #5. I think it's a good thing for kids to check if they have a doubt about if they do something, because it could help the parent teach the kid how to think logically about something. For instance, say my son is thinking about throwing rocks. Now, he's gotten in trouble for throwing rocks at people and at cars, but in this case he's at a lake. There are no people, cars, or even boats around, but since he's gotten in trouble before he's unsure if he can throw rocks into the lake. It would be great if he came to us and asked because he had doubts because that shows he's learning to think about things in a logical way. Plus we would get the chance to explain to him the difference between throwing rocks into the lake and throwing at people and cars. I'm a firm believer that kids should be talked to with detail and in explaining things to them, even if it's over their head for awhile and I have to repeat it many times through the years. And I try my best to do that with my son (though of course I'm imperfect and have said, "Because I said so!" at certain points! Lol!) <br /><br />Anyway, that's my take on Manner #5!Alicianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-36855633608986702572011-08-07T09:10:47.698-04:002011-08-07T09:10:47.698-04:00@luna, It can be so hard to delete those old messa...@luna, It can be so hard to delete those old messages from our memories. Many parents don't have any clue how much their words will affect their children. It's awesome that you are able to recognize something from your childhood that you don't want to repeat in your own parenting journey. Thanks for sharing.Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-57755281619871305772011-08-06T00:15:25.215-04:002011-08-06T00:15:25.215-04:00Ugh, I find this list both infuriating and really,...Ugh, I find this list both infuriating and really, really depressing. <br /><br />I am feeling uncomfortable with Anonymous affectionately referring to her child as a "bottomless pit." One of the reasons I developed an eating disorder is because my parents would respond extremely positively when I gorged. I began gorging to please them, to the point of throwing up and/or rolling on the floor in agony due to stomach cramps. This will probably not occur if one consistently provides positivity to her child; in my case, I seldom received approval. Many years later, I am still not in touch with my body. I cannot tell if I am hungry or full.luna_shttp://twitter.com/#!/pancakedictatornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-75598471977642071442011-07-28T08:55:24.842-04:002011-07-28T08:55:24.842-04:00@Anonymous, Thanks for sharing here. I am sorry yo...@Anonymous, Thanks for sharing here. I am sorry you had to go through all that. When we don't listen to our children, we teach them that they don't deserve to be heard. EVERYONE deserves to be heard.Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-11217669534419444102011-07-27T19:26:53.354-04:002011-07-27T19:26:53.354-04:00Whenever I told my parents I didn't like somet...Whenever I told my parents I didn't like something, they NEVER listened to me. So I was therefore driven to a weekly abusive situation and expected to like it. ALWAYS listen. It saves children from bad situations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-68684298560673279522011-07-08T08:08:46.585-04:002011-07-08T08:08:46.585-04:00@Anon, I am really happy you shared that with me. ...@Anon, I am really happy you shared that with me. That is why I hate articles like the "25 Manners" because they really make parents feel bad, and the expectations are absolutely unattainable (and who would even try?). Kids are not robots waiting to be programmed!Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-49899366753115371462011-07-07T12:52:51.797-04:002011-07-07T12:52:51.797-04:00I appreciate this post because I had read this art...I appreciate this post because I had read this article awhile back and felt shame about my parenting. Thanks for dissecting what the author wrote and making me feel okay again about focusing on relationship and respect instead of producing model children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-73373759615424573682011-07-05T10:06:23.328-04:002011-07-05T10:06:23.328-04:00@polygonia, Yes, I agree with you. Expectations fo...@polygonia, Yes, I agree with you. Expectations for children are crazy. They are people! They will not be perfect, just like the rest of us fully grown people.<br /><br />@Laura, I was on Parents magazine mailing list for a while too. Conveniently, I moved and didn't give a forwarding address. :)<br /><br />@Robyn, Thanks for the suggestion and the rest of your comment. That's what I'm going for with my kids too. I hope they will always feel free to be authentic around me.<br /><br />@Anonymous, haha, it sounds like the term is lovingly applied in your house. The mother I heard say this about her kid (in front of him) was talking about all the money she "has to" spend on him. It was very negative. I would have been hurt if I heard someone talking about me that way.<br /><br />@Prasti, I really don't understand how these articles get published... until I read the comments. So many people agree that this is what we should expect from our kids. It's depressing. :(Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-41824737457136523682011-07-04T23:11:36.642-04:002011-07-04T23:11:36.642-04:00and this is why i don't read parents magazine....and this is why i don't read parents magazine. hard to believe that this was even published. as parents, we feel it's so important to teach by example for our kids...to live out the behaviors we expect from our children in our own lives instead of the whole "do what i say and not what i do" approach.Prastihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02528936736984726306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-20770186480106334532011-07-04T20:45:37.111-04:002011-07-04T20:45:37.111-04:00Wow. That is quit a list of rules. Does the pers...Wow. That is quit a list of rules. Does the person who wrote these actually have children?! I almost completely agree with you. My only small issue with your response is that I'm not sure what is wrong with calling one's child a bottomless pit. While I would never call my kids a "brat" or a "pain in the butt", I am the proud mother of a fit, healthy 6 year old who can sometimes down an elephant's sized portion of dinner. He is affectionately dubbed my bottomless pit. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-71831506329374630192011-07-04T15:26:10.487-04:002011-07-04T15:26:10.487-04:00Laura - for an alternative I recommend Life Learni...Laura - for an alternative I recommend Life Learning, an online magazine. <br />What is most interesting for me is that my daughter now 11 is not necessarily terribly polite to me and her dad around the house (more like authentic in her feelings) but she has very nice manners out and about with other families. <br />We constantly, cheerfully break #13 at home, I have to say. She refrains when she is out with her church going friends though.Robyn Coburn Writer/Artisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17118929626629581261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-47378519092240839792011-07-02T22:01:13.054-04:002011-07-02T22:01:13.054-04:00I hate Parents magazine. I somehow got on their ma...I hate Parents magazine. I somehow got on their mailing list and they won't stop sending me their magazine. I can't stop reading it though. It's like a car wreck. I get angry at their stupid articles every month!Laura Pauley Richhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16137819003130004465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-54832352256095666782011-07-02T14:36:00.079-04:002011-07-02T14:36:00.079-04:00Yeah, folks don't have respect for kids as peo...Yeah, folks don't have respect for kids as people. It's like they don't count. I think some folks are politer to their pets. Not that it's nice to be rude to pets, but, children are people.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-52606577136609875962011-06-14T09:41:08.010-04:002011-06-14T09:41:08.010-04:00@Becky, Exactly. How do we expect our children to ...@Becky, Exactly. How do we expect our children to learn politeness and respect if we talk to them rudely and disrespectfully? It makes no sense at all.<br /><br />@OmegaWolf747, The worst part is, we were all children once! Why can't we remember how bad it felt to be treated this way??Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-23217481957040624062011-06-13T18:59:36.872-04:002011-06-13T18:59:36.872-04:00Adults often hold children to a higher standard th...Adults often hold children to a higher standard than they themselves adhere to. The hypocrisy nauseates me.OmegaWolf747https://www.blogger.com/profile/16540367438066222647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-53212498654081181522011-06-13T14:10:18.761-04:002011-06-13T14:10:18.761-04:00I always think it is so obviously rude the way par...I always think it is so obviously rude the way parents correct their kids in front of others in the name of teaching them "manners". Since when is it ok to be rude in order to teach manners? I hate it when I hear parents say "what's the magic word?" Or say 'thank you'. How polite would it be to correct an adult and tell them when to say certain words in order to be 'polite?"Becky in CThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15499502042614976275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-50896704691477818402011-06-02T08:06:50.304-04:002011-06-02T08:06:50.304-04:00@Terri, Thank you! Maybe I will send a copy to the...@Terri, Thank you! Maybe I will send a copy to the magazine, although I doubt they would read it. It is so annoying that these kinds of articles get published and so widely read. They really take kids down a few notches. :(<br /><br />@Anonymous, I never will understand the hypocrisy that is "beating your kids into submission." No child should live in fear of telling his own parents about things that are bothering him.<br /><br />@Imogen, I completely agree!<br /><br />@Hollie, Yes, I also appreciate when people are polite and kind, but also don't force my kids. It's not that I think manners are unimportant. It's just that I think genuine "manners" come from kids who are treated with respect. Phony, forced manners mean nothing.<br /><br />@Libby, Thanks for the comment. Always good to hear from people who have grown children. :)Vickie@Demand_Euphoriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17706946767924290485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-10549953991036202552011-06-01T13:53:31.067-04:002011-06-01T13:53:31.067-04:00Maybe it was suppose to be a joke? A lame and terr...Maybe it was suppose to be a joke? A lame and terribly written joke.<br /><br />Dr. Gordon Neufeld talks about attachment theory and Lindz & Vickie are doing exactly what he proposes. If a parent/caregiver models expected behaviour and they have attached to each other, the child/ren will WANT to behave like the parent/caregiver. <br />I reminded my kids to say the "magic words", but didn't force them and did let them know the reality is that by saying them doesn't mean you'll get what you want! ("but Mommy I SAID please! Why can't I have matches"?--I had 3 boys/1 girl who liked to experiment a little too much which is why I'd support #5 wholeheartedly until they leave home...which the last child will be doing in September when he marries). <br />For those with pre-schoolers, keep teaching by example and when necessary, be blatantly obvious about what you expect out of them...not everything is learnt by osmosis or example. Be aware that not all they have been taught will be evidenced by their behaviour in the coming years--I always say that they were taught that but it didn't stick. <br />But very importantly, have a healthy attachment relationship with your child and you will set them free to be the kind of person you'd like to see them be. Love them enough to let go when it is time. And wait for the thank-yous (I got mine and it felt really good and kinda a relief ;o)).Libbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09274573439351833726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-68309851191195903432011-06-01T08:55:45.687-04:002011-06-01T08:55:45.687-04:00I appreciate good manners, probably like most of t...I appreciate good manners, probably like most of the posters do - saying excuse me to a fart - hey it's a good warning to plug your nose! Saying please and thank you in all sincerity. Asking permission when permission was never given or implied before, the standard stuff. This kind of list is so OLD! What really cockamamy ideas LOL I just practice the polite behavior with my bub and know he'll learn and practice it because it's the norm. Forcing it will only bite me in the behind :PHollienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-31926390279820948192011-06-01T03:13:19.685-04:002011-06-01T03:13:19.685-04:00ugh, i read that article a while ago and found it ...ugh, i read that article a while ago and found it sickening. if this is "manners",I'd take my noisy, opinionated, upfront, honest kids over "manners" any day. great post, thank you!Imogen @ Alternative Mamahttp://www.alternative-mama.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088188498900558941.post-45476428840292667172011-05-30T09:32:45.693-04:002011-05-30T09:32:45.693-04:00Manners were beaten into you? And you expect the ...Manners were beaten into you? And you expect the same for your kids? Stuff was beaten into me too - my parents should have been done for child abuse - but - I was raised to follow number 6 - which makes abuse very easy to hide.<br /><br />I expect the opposite for my impeccably mannered) kids.<br /><br />"Look well O wolves"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com