Thursday, January 19, 2012

"Homework Disease"

One of the students I tutor recently had an assignment from his English teacher to make up a new disease, then write an essay explaining the cause, symptoms, and treatment. I find it insightful and unfortunately not too far from reality. It needs no further introduction, so here it is, published with his permission:
There is a new disease sweeping through the schools of America, China, India, Japan, the U.K., North and South Korea and kids are getting sick from this strange illness.  There are doctors all over the world looking into this disease.  The cause is most likely a growth in homework for all ages.  There are reports that the disease makes you unable to sleep and in some cases causes loss of vision and/or hearing. Another symptom is children’s hair is turning neon colors!
A local doctor in Stamford, CT reports, “This is an outrage!  Kids should be able to play outside and enjoy their lives before they get too old.”  Having free play and no homework is the only way to cure this disease.  The only “medicine” that can treat the symptoms is playing with toys or playing outside for a two week period. Because of that, Toys ‘R’ Us’ stock went up 8.63% today!  The parents in New Canaan, Connecticut are taking their children out of school.  A parent at one school took her child out of school in the middle of the ERBs [a standardized test] to avoid being assigned more homework!!!!   Her son got a zero on the test!
Connecticut is closing down their schools until a cure is put in place, but will soon be opening them back up again for financial reasons.  The State has already lost thousands of dollars, so they created a law banning teachers from assigning homework.  If they do break the law, they will be assigned lunch duty for a year.  Experts believe that if teachers stop assigning homework, then the disease will be cured!
-By my friend, 12 years old.
Play is the only cure.


  1. I love this! Just read it aloud to my 12 year old (home sick from school, oddly enough) and she said wow, it's even really well written LOL.