I used to be one of these people, so I am not here to pass judgment. I used to have the same concern. Now I realize that for me, it was a pretty automatic thing that popped into my head like a reflex when I heard the word "homeschool." I don't remember being taught to have this concern, but it got in my head somehow. Maybe because people told me that was why I was in school? I don't know.
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I am going to assume that almost everyone who voices this concern is legitimately worried about my children. Worried about how they will learn to socialize without school. Worried that my children will grow up to be weird, or mean, or too shy or awkward, or I don't know what else.
So here are some questions for you about socialization. Think about them. Think about the reflex answers that pop into your head for some of them, and then really think about how you feel. If you want to. I would love to hear your answers if you are inclined to share. Use the "Anonymous" option if that helps.
- How many people do you know who did not attend grade school or high school?
- Think about the five most antisocial people (by your own definition) you have ever met. Did they go to school?
- If not, what do you think would have been different if they had gone to school?
- How did your school experience benefit you socially, then and now?
- During how much of the school day is socializing allowed?
- Without school, how do you socialize (who with, where, why...)?
I will share my own answers in a separate post.
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Thanks for these thoughts, Vicki! I have a ton of ideas about "socialization" and schooling. I think those people who name it as a good reason for sending kids to school haven't really thought much about what they're socializing kids for. As I understand it, "socialization" means the inculcating of habits and values in others. These habits and values are very different in different schooling environments. I go to a lot of "high-performing" charter schools that practice a no excuses model, and I see students who are asked to make silent transitions between classes, meaning they aren't even allowed to say hello to their friends when they pass by them in the hallways. Lots of other draconian measures ensure that these kids are "maximizing instructional time" and getting "measurable results." To me, these kids are being "socialized" either for the military or for prison. On the other end of the spectrum are many "elite" private schools where kids might be encouraged to value independence, professional ambition, and financial gain. These kids are being socialized for key parties in up-scale homes, 13 hour workdays, and bad relationships with their spouses and kids. Of course, there are lots of schools that inculcate values and habits in kids that are really positive for them and for society, and I don't think you meant to imply that many schools aren't really successful in this. What I like about your thoughts and about these schools that are educating students to lead fulfilling lives and contribute to a better society is that they begin with the question, education to what end? I see too many schools and educators with bad responses to this question - raising test scores or getting kids into prestigious colleges, among others - who then measure their effectiveness by their efficiency, not by the extent to which they cultivate good people. I've rambled. My point is, I agree with you, and I had fun thinking about this. Now I'm back to working on a Sunday so I can get ahead on the work week. Baaah - they've done it to me!!!
ReplyDeleteI think it has so much to do with your own personality and not so much where you are being "socialized." I was homeschooled in K-1 grades and then sent to school, and I was so shy. I can't remember how it was when I was homeschooled, but I remember our group that we went to and I know that I participated in the plays and activities. I hated school because of having to deal with so many people. I loved learning, but I did not enjoy school because of the other kids. I think outgoing people are going to be outgoing no matter what the situation and the same with quieter people.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, the most antisocial people I know went to public school. I have a few friends that were homeschooled the whole way through, and they are so wonderfully friendly and well adjusted.
The only time to socialize when I was in school (7 years ago) was at lunch really. And that was always interesting for the first few days because you had to figure out with whom and where you were going to sit and all that nonsense.
I did a whole lot more socializing at church, and that is where my good and lasting friendships have come from.
@Anon, I agree, there are definitely different kinds of socialization depending on the type of school you are looking at, and the demographics. I want to get people thinking about what the social environments in schools are actually like, instead of just giving the reflex answers.
ReplyDelete@Nuts to You, Thanks for your comment. I have very similar thoughts about the situation. I think the reputation homeschooled kids have as being awkward or antisocial is completely unfounded. I believe kids should never have to be with people who make them feel bad about themselves. I just posted my responses in a new post.
My son is homeschooled because they don't have smart kid classes until 4th grade and he's a terror when he's bored. He takes his spelling bees standing on his head and wears a tux to conduct the orchestra in music class. Basically, he's a dramatic, energetic, whiz kid. He was tortured in school. Now that he's homeschooled, the education part is outstanding, then he goes to afterschool programs to play for a couple hours a day with other kids. Soon will also be swimming, soccer, gymnastics and cub scouts. No problem with the socialization, unless of course, what they really mean is "sit down and shut up". My kid will never learn that!
ReplyDeleteI was homeschooled after 4th grade in order to allow me to get a better education. However I have never even before I left school been able to socialize the way that society wants me to. At the public school I actually hid during recess and lunch so that I wouldn't have to deal with the monsters called kids. My socialization didn't really happen until I went to college but with the bullying I am glad I got out.
ReplyDelete@Adryenn, Sorry I missed your comment! Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds wonderful for your son. I am so sorry to hear he was tortured in school, but he is very lucky that you saw homeschooling as an option.
ReplyDelete@Emily, Thanks for the comment. You are not alone, school socialization is not easy for many of us. I had my own struggles there as well. I am glad you were able to avoid too much torment. So many kids are not as fortunate.
Thank you for asking. Here are my answers:
ReplyDelete1. How many people do you know who did not attend grade school or high school?
ONE. He's brilliant.
2. Think about the five most antisocial people (by your own definition) you have ever met. Did they go to school?
YES. I used to work in the San Francisco County Jail as a triage intake Psychologist and every single one of them (even including rapists and murderers) both went to school AND eventually dropped out, some finishing school within the walls of the jail.
3. If not, what do you think would have been different if they had gone to school?
N/A.
4. How did your school experience benefit you socially, then and now?
Well, I remember I was very self-conscious. I wanted to fit in, so I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be, at each level of "popularity." I was bullied by a few gals, even. I excelled in school and in dance team, to the top, and received great recognition that means NOTHING today. In fact, I am in my head more often than not, instead of in my body and in the present moment. I was definitely recognized for my achievements, not for who I am as a person. I really liked school b/c I got "positive attention & encouragement" there when it was SORELY lacking at home.
5. During how much of the school day is socializing allowed?
I've never thought about this before! Well, for 5 minutes before school we could chat; during lunch hour it's be a ruckus of energized communication, laughter, and some picking-on; we'd get in trouble if we talked during class, unless we raised our hands and were "on-topic," so not much there; in physical education (PE) we weren't really allowed to talk; we did get to chat at team sports events and dances...that was fun! But that wasn't IN school. Good point!!
6. Without school, how do you socialize (who with, where, why...)?
Nowadays I go to places where I enjoy doing things (yoga class, diaperfreebaby meetings, the grocery store, the park, a frisbee match, the beach, bookstore, walking around town) to socialize, and I end up meeting and talking with people with common interests. That creates lasting friendships. :)
Ok, I get it now. I totally get your point. Well-said...now on to read YOUR answers! Thanks,
Andrea
Andrea, Thanks for taking the time to answer all the questions. It seems like you really did get my point! School is not a great place to socialize. It is nothing at all like the "real world," therefore it doesn't prepare kids for the real world. If you went and read my answers, you saw that my social experience in school was pretty tough, but not nearly as tough as it is for some of the kids out there. I'm glad you shared your thoughts here. I love to read about other people's experiences in school.
ReplyDelete